Fight or Flight
by exduck
Summary: Jack finds a way to end the battle.


**Title:** Fight or Flight**  
Rating:** PG**  
Pairings:** Sam/Jack**  
Genres:** Angst, Romance, Missing scene for the end of season 8**  
Word count:** 2,558**  
Summary:** Jack finds a way to end the battle.  
A Big Thank You to Memento For the Beta

**Fight or Flight**

She was quietly fuming as she trudged along behind him, the barely there path winding its way endlessly through the densely wooded forest. He didn't look back at her. He knew she was pissed, and worse, she knew that he knew that she was pissed, but neither said a word. They just walked, single file, deeper into the woods.

The call had come in while he was outside fishing with Daniel and Teal'c . Sam, having been volunteered to go get everyone another round of beers, had left her team mates and entered the cabin just in time to hear the answering machine kick on – a congratulation call on his promotion and reassignment. The words hit hard and they might as well have been a physical blow, it hurt just as much. Jack walked in just as the caller ended his message, freezing in his tracks as Sam's confused eyes met his.

"Sir?"

"Not here."

They hadn't spoken another word for a half an hour.

The lush green of the forest surrounded them, beams of light filtering down from the blue sky above. Jack considered the fact that it would have actually been a perfect day for a hike with her, if not for the fact that every time he risked a glance back, she looked as though she wanted to shoot him. Lucky for him she wasn't armed. So he turned back to the path ahead and kept walking.

His strategy was simple, really; he knew the longer he waited, the more she would think. The more she thought, the more she would analyze the situation, break it down into various scenarios and with any luck be less ticked off by the time they reached their destination. He also knew her well enough to know that letting her think too much held its own set of risks; her logical mind would eventually lead her past the anger. He knew what lay beyond it and he was prepared to confront her anger if he had to, but her pain would cripple him.

He should have told her when he first got the orders. It would have been the logical thing to do, but logic wasn't his strong suit. That's why he had her, or at least he used to have her. He supposed he had better get used to thinking of her in the past tense. But here and now, he had finally got her up to his cabin. They all were together for what would probably be the last time. He just wanted to pretend, just for a couple days, that nothing would change. The funny thing was that in some ways, the fact that nothing would change was why he was leaving the SGC in the first place. He could feel her eyes on his back as he walked and absently wondered if she had even noticed the beauty of her surroundings, or was so focused on her questions that she couldn't see anything else. Can't see the forest for the trees, he thought to himself and almost smiled at the irony. Almost.

Finding himself at the end of the narrow path he stopped and risked a quick glance back at her. Unable to read her expression, he turned back and stepped up onto the edge of a high ridge that overlooked the vast forest and a quiet, deep blue lake far below. It was his favorite place on the planet. Maybe any planet. He had waited years to share it with her and now when the time finally came, his fantasy and reality where defiantly not matching up. He was a man of few words, at least serious ones at any rate. But in his head this had always been the moment he would tell he. He would tell her everything. Funny how fate had other plans, instead of this being the moment he started his life with her, this was going to be the moment he ended it. She silently stepped up to edge beside him and catching a glimpse of the sadness in her eyes, he felt the ache deepen in his chest. He knew that after today he would never be able to return to this place he loved so much.

The silence hung between them like a weight and he knew she would wait until he spoke first. He'd had a week to process the new direction his life was taking, to come up with the right thing to say. But the sad truth was he still hadn't a clue what he could give her to make this better.

The deafening silence became too much and he finally gave in, turning to face her.

"Ok. Go," He told her quietly, bracing himself for the barrage of questions that he still wasn't quite sure he had the answers for, but instead he was met with something far worse. Silence. Her eyes, bright with unshed tears, just stared into his. He fought the urge to reach for he. To just touch her. His hands balled into fists and then stilled at his sided as the knife in his gut twisted just a little more.

"It's ok, Carter, Ask,Yell, Scream… Whatever you need to do, just do it." Just stop looking at me like that.

"What good would it do?" she asked simply, her voice thick with emotion.

"Crap. I knew I shouldn't have given you so much time to think." She had moved past anger into a defeated acceptance.

Turning away from him, she returned to staring blankly over the view spread out before them. He wondered what she saw.

"I am sorry…. For what it's worth," he told her honestly.

"For getting promoted. Since when is being indispensable something to apologize for?"

"When it hurts the people I care about."

She closed her eyes, not wanting to hear his apology, wanting to hold onto at least some of her anger.

"Why did you bring me all the way out here?"

"Because you were pissed off, and I figured you'd want a quiet, remote area without any witnesses when you disposed of my body."

She gave him a sideways glance.

"Alright, I brought you here because I love this place. I just wanted you to see it."

"Before you leave?" she asked, turning back to him.

"Yes," he replied, not quite able to meet her eyes. "Come on Carter, I know you. You have questions that need answers. Just ask them."

"Yes, I do have questions, but asking them would be pointless. You know exactly what I'm going to ask and I know just what you are going to answer."

"You really think you know me that well?" he asked, knowing full well she knew him better than anyone, but hoping to lighten the mood a little. "OK, fine than I'll do the asking for you. You would start by asking why I didn't tell you about the transfer."

"And you would say, because you wanted to wait till after the fishing trip, that you wanted this trip to be about us…all of us, and not just you leaving."

"Not bad," he began, doing his best to not let her see how, even after all these years, it did still surprise him how well she knew his thought processes. Walking a few steps away before turning back, he continued, "but, what else would I have said?"

She followed his movement, stepping away from the edge and slowly circling around him. Their bodies unconsciously dancing around each other, as well as the truth. "You would tell me you didn't ask for this to happen, but you have your orders and you do what you're told."

He stopped mid step, his eyebrow rising skeptically. "I was going to say that? Cause, that doesn't sound like me."

"You were lying," she countered.

"Ah... Well yes, that does sounds like me." He caught the slight smile she tried to hide at his words. God, he would miss that smile. Of all her smiles, and he did love them all, her 'Stop trying to make me laugh when I'm working so hard at being mad at you' smile was his favorite.

"Permission to speak freely, Sir," she asked, startling him and causing him to wonder how long he had been lost in his own thoughts as she waited patiently for him to return.

"You just called me a liar, Carter, how much freer do you need to get?" he asked, getting a full smile as a reward. This time he returned it. The tension broken, even momentarily, caused him to let his guard down. Bridging the distance between them and lightly touching her forearm. In an instant the angry tension was replaced by a more familiar one, as he confided in her, "just for the record, Sam. You never needed my permission to speak freely."

His hand started to slide down away from her and she caught his fingers in hers, softly running her thumb across the back of his hand, before adding, "and neither did you."

He looked down to the hand caressing his, before looking back into her eyes. "And yet anything we ever really needed to say to each other is still locked away in a room, deep down in Cheyenne Mountain."

"Sir?"

"Don't. This is so not a _Sir_ conversation."

"Ok…. Jack-"

"Oh, God. That's even worse," he told her, pulling his hand from hers, running it into his hair and beginning to pace. "This was not how this was supposed to go. I had a plan. We would go fishing… Well, not _fishing_," he added, dramatically making quote marks in the air as he spoke, "But actually you know…trying to catch fish. All of us. We would relax, laugh, drink too much and try not to say too much." He stopped pacing long enough to let himself look at her face, before quickly looking away. This was supposed to be about ending the battle between them; so why was the war inside him still raging?

"What do you want?" she asked, her frustration mixing with his.

"That's the thing Carter…"he began, with a humorless laugh. "What I want, is _not_ to want."

"What?"

"You heard me," he told her defensively.

"Yes, I heard you, but quite frankly you're being even more cryptic that usual."

"I thought you liked puzzles."

"I like answers."

"Well that's the trick, isn't it; since we were never even allowed to ask the question."

"Still cryptic."

"Don't play dumb, Sam, it doesn't suit you. You know what I'm talking about."

"You are leaving because of me." It was suppose to be a question, but it came out as a statement.

"Don't say it like that."

"Am I wrong?"

"Are you ever?"

"I'd like to be, about this."

"Well if it helps, you're not completely right."

"Oh yeah, that's much better."

"It's for the best, for both of us."

"Funny, I don't remember getting a vote."

"Don't think I took this decision lightly, Sam. Believe me, if I thought there was a better way..."

"There are other ways. I could resi-"

"No."

"Sir…"

"No!"

Her shoulders slumped."Jack." She caught the wince crease across his brow before he hid it from her.

"If this was just about me, about us, maybe," he began softly.

"Weight of the world," she finished for him.

He lifted his head, meeting her gaze. "Weight of several worlds actually."

"And how selfish would I be to argue with that?" she asked sadly.

"And how selfish would I be to ignore it?"

"So where does that leave us?" He could hear the acceptance creeping back into her voice.

"Denial?" he offered. "It seems to work for us, most of the time, anyway."

"Ok. If that's what you really want," she told him softly, wanting to mean it.

And there it was. She was giving him his out. He could walk away, never really telling her why. They would both pretend to be ok. They were good at pretending. But something in him needed her to know that it wasn't that simple. He dropped his head, letting out a frustrated sigh, before looking back up into her questioning eyes and giving her the answers she needed.

"The honest to God truth, Sam, is I'm tired. I'm just so damn tired of pretending. I just want to not want…this," he began, waving his hand back and forth between the two of them. "I want for it not to make my chest hurt just to hear you call me by my first name. What I want is to not to spend every waking moment wanting _you_. And God help me, I've tried, but here we are. So yes, I am going to let them transfer me away from the SGC and away from you, because I am tired of fighting this endless battle that I know I can never win if I stay."

Feeling the weight of years of denying his own heart lift from him, he let out a ragged breath and sat down heavily next to a raised tree root as his head fell into his open hands.

He looked lost. He had taken the step that they both feared for so long, and she knew it was her turn to do the same. It was their moment of truth and she needed him to realize that as much as he felt the need to run, she needed him in her life even more.

Tentatively she moved to stand before him, her shoes lightly scraping against the insides of his, as she said, "I've never known you to run from a fight."

With his head still in his hands, he replied, "sometimes retreat is the only logical answer."

"I thought I was in charge of logical answers?" she countered as she moved even closer, feeling the warmth of his legs connecting with hers.

"And so you are," he replied, lifting his head and leaning back into the large tree as his eyes held hers. His hands, as if by their own volition, found themselves moving to rest against the back of her calves, lightly fingering the soft denim of her jeans. "By all means, if you have another way to end this battle, I'd love to hear it."

"Well," she began softly, as she crouched down between his legs and gently placed her hands on either side of his face. "I can think of one option you haven't tried."

"What would that be?" he asked, trying in vain to hide the tremor in his voice as her fingers brushed across the short hairs of his neck.

She brought her mouth down, hovering so close that her lower lip grazed his and sent a shiver through them both, as she whispered one word.

"Surrender."

And as his mouth caught hers, in a rush of need, desire and even love, he did just that.

**Epilogue:**

In time, terms would be reached. Promises would be made, and everything would change. But for now, deep in a beautiful forest glen, two battle weary souls would find peace in each other's tangled embrace. And Jack O'Neill would come to realize, as he breathlessly looked at the woman beside him, that _this_ was in fact his favorite place in the world. Any world. And he would fight like hell to keep it.


End file.
